Embracing Marriage: Lessons on Love, Respect, and Self-Acceptance

No one told me that being away from my parent’s house would be difficult. But it is the way it is. I told myself that if other women have been successful in their marriages being away from home I can do the same.

Many times we have these preconceived ideas about the life we want, the life we have, and the way we feel about ourselves which in the end marks how we will behave.

If we feel ugly we are going to behave in ways that make us ugly as not combing our hair, shaving, washing our faces, and so on.

One of the things that has worked in my marriage is treating my husband with love and respect despite my emotions, with him I don’t have to win every time.

The secret in marriage is in enjoying what’s in front of our eyes.

Some women just love the drama because they have been hurt in the past. Some of them don’t even know that they are just playing what they saw in their childhood homes.

Dear friend, God made us the way we are so another secret for a happy marriage is that we have to care less and less about social pressure and expectations.

Maybe we are not the little angels we aim to be but in our hearts, we have room to say: I am a good loving wife until we believe it.

prayer is the foundation of marriage

I will always feel inadequate or at least most of the time, at being a wife and a mother. One of the advantages of mindfulness is the awareness of our weaknesses and inabilities.

My dear friend, I came to accept the fact that I can not do marriage alone. I need the power of the Holy Spirit every day to keep myself married. Prayer has been the salvation of my marriage for those days when I wanted to run away from it.

Many times we see marriage as a burden and not as a privilege, a joy, or a gift but when we intentionally pray for our husbands and their goodness we start to see the beauty of our marriage and husband. We are so getting accustomed to believing that gifts are just material possessions like a car, a house, perfume, or a new bag.

My marriage is a gift from God to me and I must enjoy it. To see the beauty in marriage, I must be intentionally thankful.

When we pray, we can not lie to God and our defects and mistakes are revealed too, if we pray with our humble hearts.

Many times we have believed the lie that we are small for the challenge, but the reality is that I am not small for the challenge and every married person faces a good share of adversity in their marriage. You and I have a dream marriage for other women. Your marriage is light to others who observe and imitate. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your marriage is not that bad!

I don’t have to panic over small things

Yeap! Better days are always coming. What do I earn by worrying all the time? Through the years, I have learned that I must pick my battles. I can not throw a tantrum over stupid things. I must focus on the things my husband does for me not on the things that he does not.

Through the years, I know that I am not the only one struggling once in a while.

Instead of taking the victim’s role, I can remember that my marriage is destined to succeed

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

So why should I continue believing that my marriage is going to end up in calamity?

I live someone’s dream life, what would another lady do in my place? Would she be grateful for my husband and children? Would I envy her life besides my husband? Of course, I would envy her to death. And because of these imaginations, I strive to enjoy my marriage and family. Dear wife, there are hundreds of women praying for a man like yours.

Sometimes, we are so exigent and overburdened because someone did the same to us in the past. Sometimes we tend to despise our husband’s achievements and efforts just like people in the past despised our achievements and efforts. Maybe it was the mother you were never to please, maybe it was the dad who abandoned you that made you feel you were not enough and now without realizing, you have become the one who hurt you.

Watching the lives of others is not the solution

I always say that it is good to have role models in our lives but trying to become them is not the solution to our problems.

Trying to live other’s lives or marriages will make you feel depressed, anxious, and hopeless. It will make you feel like you will never be enough because you were not created to live like them. You can learn from older women, or other women your age but you are to take their advice and apply what can work in your marriage in accordance to your circumstances and the tools you have.

We can always ask the Lord to show in our life examples of these godly women and be open to new teaching experiences, just not try to change you into them.

In our times, we are told that we can do whatever we want. We come with these ideas to marriage, we come entitled to deserve the best in marriage, and we ignore completely his needs as we have put our needs first which is completely the opposite of marriage.

As women, we must accept the authority and leadership of our husbands so we can submit to the authority of the Lord as well. When I deny this fact, I hurt myself because I am bringing bad consequences to my marriage due to disobedience.

No one has experience when married for the first time

Many are playing to marriage these days. The world has told them to live with this man and then with the other. They are just learning not to compromise, or be faithful to anyone. Every broken relationship under these terms will take a big toll on a woman’s emotional and mental health which will bring to her marriage.

A woman does not need experience for marriage. Marriage must be lived as life is lived, one day at a time, taking every day as it comes and learning through the ups and downs of the future.

Instead of trying to experience marriage before you marry, I will always say that it is best to Invest in yourself and never get tired of looking beautiful. Many marriages end in divorce because the wife never learned how to love herself. She was always expecting other men to love her, to accept her, to invest in her but every woman can do the same for herself.

Living together before its time will create weakness in the former year’s relationship which will cause great conflict in the future.

Don’t dislike yourself or be discouraged if that whats your case. We can always mend and compensate for the past.

As I told you before, no one comes with marriage experience’ we can learn from old marriages. I have seen in many old marriages that your present circumstances will never determine the success of your marriage. I have seen too that life will never be a constant and one day you are down but the next day you will thrive. The sun always will shine brighter after a storm. So, your current circumstances don’t determine the success of your marriage.

Life circumstances have taught me that I am more than my parents’ influence or my DNA. I am more than the environment I was raised, I am more than the people that hurt me.

Believe your husband loves you

This is a big one! Because of failed relationships and some childhood insecurities, it was difficult for me to trust in my husband’s love for me. But, if we want to be successful in our marriage and thrive in life we must believe they love us for who we are.

Many times, it is we who feel unlovable because we haven’t come to love ourselves and see the beauty in us. Repeat this truth every single day until you believe it: I am lovable, I love myself, my husband loves me and you will see how everything starts to take form in your marriage.

The inner anger in you has created this without foundation resentment in your heart over your husband. It’s not that your husband does not love you is that you have internally believed you are not lovable.

One of the ways to show love for yourself is as easy as cleaning your house. Create a loving and warm space for you. Cleaning and decluttering can help you to get rid of those memories you have. You don’t have to carry old stuff that reminds you are fat, or the funeral of Uncle Charlie. You don’t have to clutter your life with stuff that does not bring any positive to your life and makes you hate to live where you live.

So, today, commit to putting on your big girl pants and start the process of decluttering and cleaning your home. Would it be easy? Not. You will end up crying, depressed, anxious, and hopeless. But it will be worth it. You can heal as you organize your house and car, yes, the same mess in the house will be the same mess in your car. . .

There will be a problem always for a shaky wife that’s why commitment to change is important. You got this!

Stay away from screams

Marriage is a matter of time, so patience is the greatest skill you will need. If you ask yourself what is the thing you hate about your parents, probably you will remember the times when they were angry, screaming, or in a bad mood. Being in a bad mood causes great resentment for the people that surrounds you and that’s how you will end up being remembered.

As I told you in this blog, you are not your husband’s mother. Of course in marriage, there is a chance for negotiation in a sense of democracy. Screams and angry demands just created a poisonous environment of anarchy.

Marriage is a blessing because I have the opportunity to show the love of God to my husband; marriage is not a place where your husband is blamed for childish mistakes. They are to feel free and loved at home not judged all the time.

Screams and mistreatment just reveal one thing from us: PRIDE.

If you are this wife, just keep in mind that marriage is for a period of time so let’s do the best of it and enjoy the blessing of our husbands.

Take care ♥

Related: THE CONTROL FREAK WIFE-SURRENDER CONTROL OF THE CONTROLLING SELF FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE