BEAT PRE-WEDDING ANXIETY-PRACTICAL TIPS THAT WILL HELP A BRIDE TO HANDLE WEDDING ANXIETY TO WALK DOWN THE AISLE
It is not just you, bride!
I will start today's blog by reassuring you that you are not a rare bride who deals with anxiety. You are not alone.
Anxiety is fearing a future that we will not be able to handle. Anxiety is born when we imagine the worst possible scenarios and cannot control them because it is beyond our abilities.
Fear is how the enemy tries to rob you of this precious moment. Your anxiety symptoms are real, but your thoughts and imaginations are not.
" The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full. John 10:10
You can be concerned but not overwhelmed by conditions you can not control, like the weather or an illness.
When a bride is concerned, she comes out with solutions for the challenge. When a bride is anxious, she's stuck and unable to resolve the present difficulties. Why? Because her brain is busy trying to handle sometimes impossible and one-of-a-kind scenarios that only exist in her beautiful mind.
I know you have already searched on google about all your fears. How do I know? Because I know my tribe!
I know you are already coming up with ideas about how to fix every lousy scenario that could ever happen in your wedding, beyond, and beyond this life.
I know about the beating on the chest every time you remember that the wedding day is approaching.
It's not nervousness or excitement as you used to think.
And what worries you the most is that you are starting to fear the day you were waiting for so long.
Maybe you dreamed too high for yourself, and everything is going on so pretty and smoothly that you are just getting ready for disappointment. What if the groom does not appear? Or maybe he regrets asking you to marry him. What if he dies before the wedding? Am I exaggerating?
No matter how smoothly everything goes with all the planning, there is still something in your heart that tells you to be prepared for what's coming.
You have heard so much about bridezillas that you never expected that things are getting so good till now, so it is a good reason to think that something will go wrong on the wedding day or beyond.
What if people don't like my wedding? What if I have a panic attack while walking down the aisle?
I don't think a bride hasn't worried about her wedding. Why? Because this is life, and bad things happen to all of us.
So the best advice I can give is this:
Embrace your anxiety.
Embrace that beating on the heart at night, don't fight it back, don't resist it, and don't feel ashamed for feeling it. God understands your past traumas and fears. He is with you every night you can not sleep.
Sounds crazy, right? But it is real.
Pre-wedding anxiety is so common, and because I care for brides-to-be like you, I will share some tips to help you manage stress and anxiety before the wedding day.
I can not guarantee your anxiety will disappear, but I can assure you of relief and comfort even when things are not going as expected.
I will repeat it: eat and exercise
I know this sound like the steering wheel. You have to eat healthily and exercise. It comes from your mom, your primary doctor, the grandma that lives in New York, and everyone that hasn't seen you in a while.
Everyone thinks either you need to eat or to exercise. Unfortunately, I must tell you the same because anxiety can be debilitating.
To have a stronger body and mind, you must eat well and exercise.
Brides will have better cope mechanisms if they pay attention to it.
The United States is still a country of abundance and freedom where food is thrown to waste and, in some cases, is seen as an enemy.
There is nothing wrong with not going on a self-imposed strict diet just because you are getting married unless it is medically advised. I will say it in another word: You don’t need that crazy diet you just started!!!
On the other hand, exercising is the best way to detoxify yourself of cortisol( the stress hormone). Thirty minutes of morning exercise will help you to be more relaxed, kick you out of the fight-flight mode, and have a better night of sleep which will improve your mental health :)
I recommend exercising in the morning as exercising at night can make your body overalert when it should be ready for a delicious night of rest and sleep.
Before I forget it: walks count for exercise too :)
Yeap! Going on a walk and seeing nature is a privilege we have here in the united states that women don't have in other countries. And it helps a lot! So, could you take advantage of it? It will help you to manage anxiety.
Before I continue with the other items, I can not leave without telling you this precious advice from God:
"So go ahead. Eat your food with joy, and drink your wine with a happy heart, for God approves of this!" Ecclesiastes 9:7
In a world that is running faster and faster, it is good to sit and enjoy the food God has put on our table. Smell, touch, look at its colors, and be determined to eat and enjoy it. Bring out that special plate and cup to make every meal a special moment to rejoice.
I will not say to eat Mcdonald's three times a day with a happy heart, but I believe you need to allow yourself to enjoy food as in the old times when you were an all-belly and legs toddler. You will need all the energy food can provide to cope with the new stage of life that is coming.
A body that feels thirsty or angry makes you more emotional about unexpected outcomes.
You can behave like a bridezilla by taking aside your time for eating.
Get rid of plan B
Because I know you like to control, I know you want to work in a plan B with your wedding in case something goes wrong.
A plan B is costly and futile as the event is made up of many guesses, and it depends on the accommodation of the venue.
If you are having an outdoor wedding and are concerned about the weather and this issue is taking your sleep, move the wedding to an indoor location, easy peasy!
But if taking the risk is not a problem for you and maybe you consider rain a blessing to your wedding: Go ahead!
Unnecessary worries and fears about your wedding can make a wedding planner fatigued, exhausted, and not want to work with you anymore. Why? Because you are with a wedding planner, not with a psychologist, who is being paid to listen to all the irrational fears a bride has.
Worry makes a bride emotionally unstable. I know you want to control it, but I can assure you that waiting on God and living in the moment expecting good and bad in equal portions, is the right way to live.
Preparing for the unexpected is worth it to think when we talk about real-life facts and not imagination, as in the case of some of your bridesmaids falling sick before the wedding day. And if that would be the case, the wedding planner will know what to do because she's trained and prepared to deal with these scenarios.
Don't abide in worry mode.
Worrying will do nothing else but remove the blessing of the wedding planning.
everything will work out for good
Planning a wedding should be a time for happy tears and outbursts of happiness, but some brides can get trapped in anxiety, especially if they are dealing with it before.
Many brides experience social anxiety, especially introverts, and spend hours and hours fearing the dreaded moment of walking down the aisle.
The plain imagination of this makes them have an anxiety attack. They want the wedding and all this stuff to end as soon as possible.
If you are this bride, you have two options: look to the bright or dark sides in the picture.
You can focus on the blessing you are experiencing, knowing that your family and best friends will cheer for you; you can focus on the flowers, the food, and the groom, or you can choose to focus in continue feeding your social anxiety.
Thinking positively is not living out of reality and not accepting that bad things can happen (because bad things are part of life too), but living with faith, knowing that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him” Romans 8:28
You do your best and leave God the rest.
When we abide by a negative mindset, we are programming our brains to see the bad stuff in everything we do and all the people.
People are going to get away from you, of course.
You may think they are rude, but even when they love you so much, they are protecting themselves from negativism which is so debilitating.
Knowing that God is in control and will work even the bad and unexpected outcomes for your good will give you rest and joy. Memorizing Romans 8:28 is an excellent idea to stop the spiraling of negative thoughts that will compromise our emotions and lead us to anxiety.
feed your faith
Black is in the color palette of our lives, too, and when blended with the other colors, our life is just a beautiful piece of art.
Bad things happen in life to all of us.
No matter how much you pray, how much you give to the church, or how much you help your parents and others, God never promised you a life without trouble. And although I firmly believe that when you came to Him, he blessed you with a barrier of protection, He will allow specific trials and tribulations to train you to be stronger than you ever thought.
Trials and tribulations help us grow, bear much fruit, be perseverant in life, and be thankful; at least, it is what I have learned from mine.
Pruning season is necessary for all of us!
Despite all of the facts I just mentioned, we can rest in knowing that God can control all situations and if that thing you fear would ever comes to your life, rest assured that God and you will handle it and e will work it out for your good and the good of others.
How many times do we forget how deeply the father loves us? How many times do we sin, thinking that he is ready to punish us or maybe that he is neglected our needs as children?
It is easy to ponder about the goodness of God in our good days but not in the bad ones.
Anxiety is the fear of a future that we think we are not going to be able to handle. Do you see the trap?
Maybe your brain is programmed to think that way because you have been hurt. Probably you fear being abandoned or mistreated again. Perhaps, you still carry the scars of your parent's divorce, and you don't want this to happen to you again. Whatever you fear today, keep in mind that God and you will handle it together if it would ever happen in real life, but just to make you feel less stressed, approximately 80% of what you fear right now will not occur.
God is with you and will be taking you down the aisle on your wedding day, too, even though you will not be able to see Him.
Pray assured that God is your heavenly father who is attentive to your needs and eager to hear your voice.
Praying is the best habit you can start having in your life. God is not just God, but your father, your friend, your confidence, your provider, your king, and that psychologist that counsels and encourages you without charging you a lot of money. He will never put you on a waiting list or send the receptionist to attend your calls.
You can feed your faith by reading the Bible every day. Look for books that inspire you and help you grow in your Christian walk; start buying those books for women you want to buy when you wish you were dating someone. Reading relaxes the mind and is an excellent source of exercise for our brains.
Print the promises of God and start memorizing them. They will pop into your mind when you need them the most.
A burden that we share . . .
I know you don't want to share with your boyfriend that the wedding is having you overstressed, that you can not sleep at night, that you can barely eat, ah ! and that you are on the board of having a nervous breakdown, but you need to talk about it.
In one of my first blogs, I shared how important it is to be open to your boyfriend and not hide little secrets from him. Husbands and wives don't have any right to keep secrets by themselves because it will affect both of them in the long run.
Hiding a mental problem from the ones you love will not solve it.
It's precisely like covering a pot of chicken broth. Once it's boiling, the covering will not be able to contain the heat anymore. It is what happens when someone is hiding anxiety.
Having an episode of anxiety or a diagnosis does not mean you are a weird or weak human being. It does not mean that you are faithless, that you are not a Christian, or that you are a nervous wreck.
Emotions and the mind do get sick, too. So, by any means, you have the right to feel ashamed of facing anxiety today. Permission to handle everything but not shame.
I admire you, girl. You are stronger than you think, a warrior of the almighty, and I can assure you that you will get through this.
Being committed to each other before marriage is one of the secrets to a long and lasting marriage. When you are committed to each other, you can open up to whatever problems you face.
Maybe you are facing anxiety today, but no one knows the future, and possibly next time will be your turn to give that pad on the back or a word of encouragement your husband will need to keep moving. Share your worries, even those that exist just in your imagination, and I can reassure you that you will get through the storm with God.
Take advantage of your people
You may have that patient, good mom who will listen to you whenever you feel anxious. Maybe it is a good friend, an aunt, or, who knows, your boss.
Talking to others will help you ease those moments when you feel shaken.
Reach out to those who will listen to you and won't judge when you are anxious.
Are you not wanting to share it with anyone other than your husband? That's fine. You can still listen to podcasts and reach out to blogs, life coaches, or psychologists who will be happy to walk this journey with you.
Before I close the blog for today, I want to remind you that your future is built in the present. If you manage to be calm today, you are telling your brain that everything is OK and that taking a break from survival mode is OK. Permit it to help you be creative, overflow, and thrive.
An anxious mind tells the brain to survive and be prepared for trouble ahead. That mindset will enslave you and not let you create a life of satisfaction, thankfulness, and abundance that God wants you to live. YOu are not a victim of Anxiety. Embracing being vulnerable and knowing that in life there are gray and pink days, sunny and rainy days, but although we can not control what happens to us, we can still be comfortable by being uncomfortable.
You don't have to see Anxiety as an enemy in your life. Anxiety is a mischievous good friend that loves to teach you how to recognize the harm in your life. She was not created to destroy you but to help you survive.
Sometimes, we have to take a chance to stop and listen to our Anxiety. Sometimes, she will tell you things like Sleep, don't overwork, eating healthy, or exercise. Other times she will get a little crazy and wild over something that will never happen, and when that happens, just stop and say:
Dear friend, Anxiety:
Thank you so much for helping me survive, but we are safe now.
Repeating this every time an anxiety attack is coming will help you see your Anxiety from a different perspective.
Bride, what's that you're fearing about getting married? What steps are you planning to use to reduce Anxiety? Did your perspective change about the way you see your anxiety?
