HOW NOT TO LOSE YOURSELF IN MARRIAGE-SAVING THE MARRIAGE BEFORE IT STARTS

Aha! There can be changes in the marriage that will make you feel out of your world, and I am not talking about favorable terms ; /

Talking about marriage is talking about a family of two that eventually will have children at home. This is why it is a serious business that you know this before the I do's.

No one talks about this before marriage because people don't consider it appropriate. Everyone is thinking about the fun of the wedding and for some people, it's not essential to abord these topics as in these times, marriage is seen as something disposable. "If you don't like it, throw it in the trash" It's one of the most shocking pieces of advice to the future wife that I have heard at some bridal or bachelorette showers. The second most common is abstaining from having children until they know the marriage will work for them.

Well, that's what people say, but not what God says about marriage.

Jesus said, "From the beginning of creation, 'God made them male and female.' "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. Mark 10:6-9

Marriage is intended to last a lifetime, I mean your whole existence on this earth, in case you are blessed to get old together.

It is not wise to take advice from everyone that comes your way to share their "wisdom" with you. Remember that people see life with the lenses they have. Some see the world as a cruel place to live and raise children, and others see the world as the place that God created for you to enjoy :)

Of course, there will be times when you have been a couple of years married when you would ask yourself about the songs that you used to enjoy when you were single or did not have kids.

I remember that when I was single, I bought CDs of music and listened to them in my bedroom without interruption; I watched my favorite Hispanic soap operas, worked as a violin player in an orchestra, and went to different places to make music, too. I enjoyed those times!

I loved to go home and relax on my bed, just thinking, dreaming, making plans, and enjoying myself. I enjoyed going to the gas station or supermarket to buy the last vanidades magazine to read and learn about the new designers, perfumes, skincare, and more.

I enjoyed buying new dresses and shoes, was in love with programs like CIS, law, and order, and was in love with channels like e-entertainment and HOlA, where I could watch the lives of the royal families in the world.

Years passed, and I realized I didn't have friends outside the home like I used to have. Things have changed in my life, but that does not mean that I have a boring life :)

We can always bring all those things we used to do when we were singles to our present and continue enjoying them. Of course, not in the way and order you used to do them, but the great news is that there is a place for them in marriage, too.

Some brides forget that they had a life before marriage, and they lose themselves in it. In a blink of an eye, marriage becomes a burden.

Because I care for brides like you :)

Here I will give you some tips to prevent your beautiful you from getting lost once all the fun and planning of the wedding had ended.

Once you are married

You don't have much control over the restaurants you want to go to because we have to give space for our husband's likes and dislikes, too. We can't stay up late at night because we don't sleep alone in the room anymore, and probably your husband will not want to sleep with lights up.

Things are different, and now it is not just about your desires but your husband's desires, too. Being married teaches us how selfish we are; this is why the beginning is pretty hard. It confronts us with our weaknesses.

Being a devoted servant to your husband and pleasing him is good and noble before the Lord, but we can not give what we don't have in ourselves. To give your best, you must also take care of your emotional and mental health. Imagine you are a sensitive woman and don't like to watch scary movies because they leave you anxious or nervous, but you marry a man who is in love with these movies. Just because you want to please your husband, you don't have to put yourself at the end of the rope in the relationship. Being a pleaser in this way will leave you depleted.

I don't want you to lose your identity once you are married!

Here, I will share some advice to practice once you are married. Let's do this :)

Your life does not have to revolve around your husband

Maybe your dream was always to be a wife and a mom, and that's wonderful, but it is important to understand that your husband should not occupy 100% of your life. God commands women to love their husbands and to submit to them as to The Lord (Titus 2:4-5, Ephesians 5:22-24), but that does not mean that we can't look for other things to do with our lives, too. 

Of course, our husbands are our priority after the Lord our God; our husband is our ministry for The Lord too. We can share the gospel with others through the way we serve and love our husbands. Still, there will always be a place for us to continue growing intellectually, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. A place to have a business, even a tiny bit one. A place to go to school, continue our education, go out with friends once in a while, talk to others by phone, you put the name.

Your physical appearance is as important as it was before

I see how young ladies enjoy buying clothes, shoes, accessories, and bags, but once they get married, it is like the haunt season is over, and there is no need to invest in themselves. They will start using their husband's shirts every day, not wearing makeup, and not even enjoying going to the mall to buy things. 

There is a pleasure in being a woman, and they don't care anymore. Matching outfits, fabric textures, perfumes, creams, going to the nail salon, and hair, it's outdated.

Little by little, married women are losing the taste of going shopping. Guilts over debts and new bills invade her every time she goes to a shopping mall. 

Taking the time to care for your self-image matters in the short and long run. I always say that a good perfume can brighten a day. 

So, next time you are thinking about using your husband's shirts as you saw them in movies, take a step back and buy a beautiful pajama for yourself :) 

Being married does not mean changing who you are 

Coming back from the honeymoon makes you feel a little weird. 

You try to be involved with the single ones, but you feel like something is wrong; it's as if you don't fit in that group anymore. You try to get along with the older married ladies, but their conversations are so different from yours as they are already raising children and feel even more lost than you feel(ahaha)

In a blink of an eye, you can feel like you don't belong and feel alone. 

Be patient; the tribe will get back to you. You will be the same you. Don't try to belong desperately. This time will be a gift for your marriage. Enjoy it! And focus on it.

You are being promoted to wife

Some women get so in love with dating and being a bride-to-be that they lose all their identities once married. There is no more wedding to plan, no invites, no dress, no invitations; everything looks so different and can feel even bored. Some women have dreamed of being wives since they were very little, but some dreamed about getting married and being a bride. 

These perspectives can have a significant impact on mental health. It's all about perspective and scope. The brides that focus on the wedding tend to feel more blues and depressed after the wedding. On the other hand, the brides that see beyond the wedding day see the upcoming days with more excitement. These brides will feel the transition to a wife more comfortable and rewarding. 

In all my years, I have seen this trend on brides that lose their identities while planning the wedding: The next thing they do is have a baby. 

Of course, she wants to receive the same attention she received when she announced that she would get married. She's thinking not about being a mom but about the baby shower. Yeah! I know it's weird, but I am talking about real-life facts here. 

A baby in a state like that calls for a little more trouble in the short term in this relationship.

 I would always advise brides not to look to change their circumstances but to change their inner selves and be determined to be content at every stage of their lives. A baby is the most beautiful gift a marriage receives from God, but it's fair for the baby to have an emotionally balanced mom. 

a loss of freedom

There is a big difference between being free and being accountable when we talk about marriage. Don't panic! I will tell you what I mean about this.

When you are single, every decision you make will primarily impact your life, but when you are married, you are bringing your husband with you. Now, it matters to talk about how both of you spend the money; it matters to talk about savings, thanksgiving reunion with in-laws, and so on.

Sadly, when you are married, you have to choose whether to spend Christmas with your in-laws or with your parents, and I know it can be hard when you live far away from them. When you are married, one thing is for sure; it is not just about you and your parents anymore.

Some wives struggle with this and can even feel trapped in a marriage. Now you have to explain going to visit a friend at night, or why you did this or that, but that's how marriage will work. It will benefit your marriage and your future kids.

As I talked to you in this blog, everything must go under a time of adaptation and changing.

Circadian rhythms are real

Sometimes a roster marries an owl or vice-versa. Yes, it happens a lot, and when we are dating, we don’t even care about our sleep patterns, but when we are married, oh my dear! Circadian rhythms matter.

This is why I believe in honest conversations about this matter before marriage. Imagine you want to sleep early, but your husband wants to go out at 9:00 pm. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself every day to stay late when you know you will be cracky or in a bad mood the next day. You can comply once a week to say something, but giving up to his patterns of sleep will let you depleted.

Things get easier as time pass, and the couple tends to adapt to these sleep patterns. Believe me, you will find a middle ground that works for both of you.

But don’t try to be compliant with sleep, as it will affect your health.

Sleep helps you be in a good mood and makes you even more enjoyable than you usually are. Being a suitable woman does not mean doing things that will affect your health.

I want to regain my identity

f you are already a wife that has lost her identity. Here I will give you some advice you can follow to find yourself again, but before going there, check this post for more tips and advice.

Try to connect with old friends. It can be reconnecting to them through Facebook or Instagram or having coffee or tea with wives in your exact circumstances so you can relate to others and see that this stage that you are having is temporary and will not last forever as your emotions are lying to you. 

If you are a busy bee, chat through WhatsApp and ask about their lives and how everything is going. It's one of the best ways to feel rejuvenated again. 

Look for a hobby for yourself and your marriage. It is an excellent time to remember those things you used to enjoy before you married. Think about when you were a child; what did you enjoy doing? 

Now is the perfect time to make space for those calligraphy classes you always wanted. (when the babies come, you will thank me for this huge advice). And last but most importantly, look for a hobby that you can share with your husband. Go to this calligraphy class together, or go snorkeling or fishing at least once every week. There are hundreds of hobbies you can start doing. 

Having a mutual hobby gets you to get closer and closer to your husband. 

And well, that's my contribution for today :)

Princess, remember that building a castle takes a lot of time and dedication. 

Things will not be like they were as single, but they will get even better.

Adaptation takes time, but it will be worth it. 

Don't be so hard on yourself ;)

Take care♥

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